I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got inside last night via doggy door
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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