O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize