so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
