Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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