i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
