I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize