So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
