So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize