So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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