hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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