Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
