and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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