We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize