i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
