Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
