Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
