New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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