no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
