There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
