no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
