It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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