maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
