I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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