But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
