We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
