ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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