And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize