If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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