I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
