Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
