I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
