Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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