The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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