I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize