Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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