If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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