I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
