My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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