the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
