Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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