He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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