OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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