Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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