WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
