glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
