what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize