my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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