i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
