why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize