I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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