Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
