Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
