His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
