I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
