Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
