A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
