beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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