When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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