you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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