we have pet lesbian snakes
How's work?
Spinning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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