we have pet lesbian snakes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
