HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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