Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
