hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize