Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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