Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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