Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
