dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
