FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
