there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
