Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
