i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
