So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
