if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
