Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize