The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
