i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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