I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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